


One Last Chance

by sexraptor (thebelovedpariah)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mental Breakdown
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:48:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29521092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebelovedpariah/pseuds/sexraptor
Summary: People often did crazy things when they were cornered. On the brink of all out war, Rey comes up with a plan to bring Kylo back to the light by offering him a glimpse of the life he could have as Ben Solo. The offer? One month on a remote planet with her. It was the perfect opportunity for him to kill her or take her captive, or he could stay. It was just a month. What could go wrong?
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren, Knights of Ren/Kylo Ren, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 9
Kudos: 24





	One Last Chance

When he received her message, it was not by any means he was familiar with. In fact, he only loosely called it a message. He had been mid-meeting, being briefed on the status of an intelligence gathering mission, when his whole world went blank. It was as if every sense was consumed by her presence and he could hear her giving him coordinates. There was no real instruction beyond requesting that he show up as soon as possible, and he was to come alone. 

Finally, as quickly as it had taken him, the sensation was gone. It left him feeling uncomfortably cold and empty, a bit like the darkness of space outside his windows, and he noted that he was trembling slightly. 

“Supreme Leader, sir?” 

Kylo turned his gaze to a young commander stepping forward from the small group of assorted officers. He didn’t bother with a response, fixing the man with what he hoped was a calm stare. 

“Are you- well, I mean to say- Is everything alright, sir? You’ve been staring across the room for the last five minutes.” 

Had he? Just what had she done to him? Clearing his throat, he stood and waved a hand at the lot of them. 

“Dismissed. I have somewhere to be.” 

“Did you wish for us to finish-“ The young man started again, cutting himself off as he hurried out of their leader’s path. 

Choosing to ignore the question, Kylo beckoned to the nearest crew member to ready his ship. As he made his way to his personal quarters to ready himself, he mulled over the experience he’d just had. It seemed he had finally stopped shaking, at the very least, but he had never once encountered the Force in such a way. The way it had completely obscured the world around him was decidedly unnerving, and he had to admit fairly impressive for a Jedi with little to no formal training. 

They had connected before on more than one occasion. She had been hiding with Luke when they had first discovered they could touch via their bond, and the memory of her later catching him half-dressed was surprisingly one of his favorites, despite the questioning of his past. Her naivety had been pleasantly charming. This, however, was an entirely new threshold of connection that they had never even approached before and he felt at a bit of a disadvantage given that he had no idea how she had accomplished it. 

As he readied himself, he mused about the coordinates and her instructions. Coming alone to meet her was almost certainly a trap, but he sensed no malice in her words and after brief consideration, he decided to take his chances. Not to mention that he’d had his fair share of missed opportunities. He wasn’t going to let this one slip through his fingers again. If she wanted a fight, he would bring one to her, and happily return with her head. 

Fights. That was what had started this whole thing, wasn’t it? Snoke’s death and the battle that followed, Rey’s strength and determination facing him down as he stood, hand outstretched, asking for her to join him. Her voice softly, gently calling him Ben, a name he no longer deserved. Her leaving him in the collapsing throne room, alone with his own mind and the new title of Supreme Leader. He swallowed his emotions as he donned his helmet, bracing himself and heading to his ship. 

They would meet soon enough and he could end this little dance, one way or another. 

-~- 

Once he had input the coordinates, Kylo was surprised to find himself heading for a small planet consisting mostly of water dotted with sparse islands. He had to admit it was a beautiful place, if nothing else, and he wasn’t sure how he’d missed it. Then again, it was on one of the farthest edges of their exploration zone and it didn’t appear as if any of the native life was anything they would consider a threat. Still, he could appreciate her choice of somewhere so private. 

She didn’t say exactly where she would be once he arrived, and he found himself finally landing on one of the beaches in the hopes she would just contact him again. There hadn’t been any signs of other ships, let alone the Falcon which he knew was her preferred method of travel. Shame slithered down his spine as he thought of the silver craft and his father’s connections to it. Exiting his own ship with a sigh, he stepped down into the sand of the beach and began his meticulous examination of the surrounding area, half watching and half waiting. 

It was nearing nightfall when he came upon her. When she opened herself to him, the scavenger was like a beacon, their combined Force sensitivity meshing into something nameless that made his skin flush and led him directly to her. She was seated next to a campfire, eating... something. He could no longer discern what it might have been when living, but it smelled surprisingly good considering how horrid it looked. He ignored his stomach as it gave a dull ache of hunger. 

Rey barely acknowledged him as he approached, looking every inch the Supreme Leader he was meant to be in his usual black leather and his signature helmet. His hand went to his lightsaber, his skin humming with anticipation of her attack. 

“Don’t bother. I’m not armed.” 

“I’m disappointed. I was hoping to have a decent fight before your death.” He paused a few yards away. 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Rey finally looked at him, her gaze even and mouth curved in a half smile. “But I didn’t come here to fight, Ben.” 

“Ben Solo is dead.” 

“Is he?” She finally stood, putting her food aside and wiping her hands off on her pants. She laughed internally with the thought of him cringing at her crude ways. Straightening her tunic, she began to close the distance between them. 

If possible, Kylo tensed further as she moved closer to him. “You have always had courage, I’ll give you that, still coming to me knowing that your life will end.” He ignited his saber, holding it low at his hip. 

“I _want_ this to end. The war, the suffering, all of it.” She continued forward, only stopping once he was within her reach, and her within his. “So I’m making you an offer.” 

“What could you offer me that I couldn’t simply take?” 

“A taste of a new life, something you never thought you could have.” 

He mulled over her words for a moment before answering. “Go on.” 

“I won’t be leaving here unless you allow it. I have no ship here, and no one will come for me until a month from now. I want you to stay here with me, just for the month, or less if you plan to kill me but I don’t believe you will.” 

“Are you insane?” He couldn’t help the incredulous laugh that escaped him. 

“Give me that much of your time. It’s all I ask. Consider it my final request, if you like. One month, then you can do whatever you want.” 

“Just to clarify, you want me to, what, _live_ here with you?” 

“That’s the goal, yes.” She shrugged. 

“And leave the Order open to any schemes your friends might be planning?” 

“No schemes. Go back to your ship and check, if you like. Check with all of your commanders and your fleets. No one is attacking you while we’re here.” Rey was losing patience. This whole thing had been a calculated risk and the longer he questioned her, the more her anxiety escalated. This was her last hope to end the war peacefully and it was all she could do to not just scream at him to shut up. 

Kylo regarded her for a long moment. Was he even crazier for being tempted to say yes? He wouldn’t bother denying the pull he felt when he was around her. It felt oddly right to be near her, but if he stayed, it would go against every bit of training he had. After all, she had previously made it clear that she didn’t wish to join him and his pride was still healing. What would this say about him? On the other hand, what might this mean for the two of them? 

“Give me one good reason why I should trust you.” He finally said. 

There were no words she could imagine that would do that, but there was one thing. Something she’d dreamt of far too often for her to say. Reaching out, she carefully touched her fingertips to his left arm, letting them run down to his leather-clad hand. She could feel the unease in every fiber of his being as she lifted his hand in her own, carefully removing the glove and letting it fall to the ground below before she fully placed her hand in his. 

The brief touch they had shared over their Force bond had been a shining moment in her memories, laden with hope and the feeling that somewhere beneath the angst and anger, Ben Solo was very much alive and waiting. Now, here, his palm warm against hers, Rey could once more sense the heart beneath his cold demeanor. The light in him rose to meet hers. and her heart swelled. They could really do this, and she prayed he could sense the hope in her as well. 

Kylo looked to their hands, connected, innocent, and yet strangely intimate. He could remember Luke’s training and the stories of being truly Force-sensitive, feeling the Force coursing through another Jedi, something most did not achieve for many years. Yet he could clearly feel the energy connecting them in that moment, and he didn’t know whether to pull away or dive headfirst into the sensation. 

“Stay with me. Please, Ben.” Rey’s voice was soft, pleading. 

He didn’t know if he had it in him to say no, not while they were this close. Steeling himself, he ripped his hand away from her and turned, stalking off in the direction of his ship without a word. He had to get away, clear his mind. He wouldn’t let her cloud his judgement so easily. It was only as he sat in his ship, wrapped in silence and the comfort of the familiar space, that he calmed himself enough to truly consider the whole situation. 

In terms of the perfect opportunity, this was as close as he would likely get. Here was Rey, the very reason that his efforts with the Order continued to fail, and she was as vulnerable as she could possibly be. He could walk back to her camp and strike her down. He could take her prisoner and return to his throne as a hero, more powerful than ever and finally able to squash the Resistance for good. 

Could he really stay, though? 

It was just a month. Probably a miserable, annoying, torturous month on an island where he assumed they had little to no regular amenities. Yet, if he could outlast her, he could win. Everything he could ever want would be within reach. Why was he so hesitant? 

With a heavy sigh, he pressed a few buttons on the console before him. Within seconds, a holo-image of one of his commanders came up. 

“Yes, sir?” 

“I have some business to take care of. I will be away for a time, but I _will_ be checking in regularly. I expect everything to be in its place when I return. Do I make myself clear?” 

“Perfectly, sir. Will you available for report should anything arise?” 

“Yes, but I expect any contact to be for a damn good reason.” Kylo didn’t bother waiting for a response as he cut off the connection. Gathering his thoughts and a portable communicator, he finally powered down his ship and exited once more.   
  
-~- 

Rey was conflicted. She had neither seen nor heard his ship taking off, but she also didn't know how far away he had landed. Still, she thought it had been plenty long enough for him to return if he meant to stay. Her heart sank with the weight of her failure as she sat before the fire once more. 

She typically tried to think of her own optimism as a strength, but now she felt it was a curse that led her astray more than it did any good. She had known deep down that it was a fool's errand. He’d made his choices just as she had, and he constantly seemed a step ahead in terms of his own conviction. Her past efforts to reach him, to reach _Ben_ , had known little success. The most she had seen in him was a hesitation, a slight questioning of his own motives from time to time, but he always sought to push her back one way or another. Why had she believed this effort would end any differently? 

As she sat firmly in the depths of self-pity, she was startled by the sound of heavy footsteps approaching with purpose. She stood, unsure of what to do. It was undoubtedly Ren, but she feared what he might be returning to do. Killing her or capturing her were both very likely options and she couldn't say which would be worse. When he finally broke the tree line and came into the flickering fire light, his helmet was held under one arm and he looked more exhausted than the last time she had seen his face. She fought a relieved smile as she noticed he was not wielding his lightsaber, nor did he appear aggressive. 

_For_ _now._

He fixed her with his most stern look, hoping it conveyed something along the lines of 'Say anything, and you're dead' but he suspected it didn't come across quite right. 

"You have one month." He sighed. The grin that lit up her face made his chest feel tight and he once more questioned his own sanity. 

"Thank you, I swear you won't regret this Ben-" 

"Stop _calling_ me that!" His voice echoed around them, causing some birds to startle out of the surrounding trees. 

Although she jumped at the sudden outburst, Rey held her ground. "What would you like me to call you? Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order?" 

"Most of my officers address me as Sir, but Supreme Leader would work fine as well." He scrubbed a hand over his face, reining in his irritation. 

"I am _not_ going to call you either of those." 

"Then you have my permission to address me as Kylo." 

Rey laughed, shaking her head. "Are you always like this?" 

"Like what?" 

"Insufferable and arrogant beyond belief?" 

"I've killed people for saying less." He encroached into her personal space, glaring down at her. 

"Bragging isn't helping your case." 

He clenched his fist, fighting every urge to fling her across the clearing. "I would _prefer_ if you addressed me as Kylo." 

"Well, that's a start." Rey smiled at him once more. "Now, are you hungry? I made extra just in case." 

Kylo watched her walk away with an odd pit in his stomach. This was going to be the longest month of his life. 

-~- 

After managing to make him eat a scant few bites of food, Rey had ultimately led him further into the trees not far from the fire to a small building that was little more than a hut. It was almost as basic as it could be, though it managed to have two rooms. One appeared to be more of a kitchen and living area while the second was likely intended as a bedroom, and there had been strings of small orb lights hung throughout, lighting the spaces with soft golden hues that reminded him of fireflies. Kylo peeked around the bedroom before turning back to her. 

"There's not any kind of washroom or refresher?" He asked her, fearing he already knew the answer. 

"Afraid not. You're lucky I was able to get this built before I called you here." She crossed her arms, watching him as he looked around. She was actually a bit proud that she'd managed to get the rooms tall enough to accommodate his height. He hardly had to stoop at all. 

"You built this place?" Kylo turned to face her, face reflecting genuine curiosity. 

"Contrary to what you might believe, I do have some skills at my disposal. It took me longer than usual, but I may have had a few distractions." She fixed him with a pointed look. 

"I've never doubted your skill, Rey. It's much of the reason that I offered you a place by my side." He turned away again, missing the shock that crossed her features. 

He was surprised to find that the hut was full of basic supplies, enough for a good many days, perhaps even the whole month. In the back room, there was a moderately sized bed and a small table with a chair. The bed even had plenty of blankets and enough pillows to hopefully be comfortable. It wasn’t his private quarters, but it was by far more than he’d expected. The main room had another table, larger but not so much as to take over the space, as well as two more chairs. He noted a backpack nearby with two more large bags leaned against the wall, probably filled with clothing or personal items of hers. 

"Satisfied?" She asked finally, drawing his attention back to her. 

"There really isn't any other option, is there?" 

"Not really, no. If you're staying, this is all yours as well unless you wish to go find shelter elsewhere." 

He chose to put his helmet down on the table, removing his other glove followed by his outer jacket, leaving him in fitted trousers and a plain black shirt. Rey caught herself tracing the lines of his body in the fitted materials and quickly turned away. That was _not_ a road she intended to start down. 

"Where will you be sleeping?" He asked her, pulling the chair out before sitting to work on his boots. He looked up, smirking slightly as he noticed her pointedly looking at the wall. 

"I had hoped to sleep in the bed, but I'm going to assume that's out of the question." 

"We could always share." His tone was mischievous, as was his grin. If he had to survive this, he might as well have some fun, and teasing her was too good to pass up. 

Rey knew he was bluffing. The man had threatened to kill her one too many times to be serious. The question was how long she would let it go before calling him on it, and she was not about to give him the satisfaction of breaking her resolve so quickly, not when he’d actively tortured her and knew she could handle a hell of a lot more. Turning to face him again, she was careful to keep her eyes on his face as she addressed him. 

"I don't mind if you don't." She answered, smiling back a bit too pleasantly. 

"Great, I'll be turning in for the night then. I’m tired after combing this place looking for you." Having set his boots and socks aside, he stood once more and pulled his shirt free of his waistband before removing it entirely. He laid it over the back of his chair and gave her a knowing look before making his way to bed. 

Rey bit her lip, gaze going to the bags of supplies nearby. She knew there was an extra bedroll packed away in there. She could just get it out and suffer through on the floor. She had certainly slept in worse conditions, but she knew she wouldn’t get an ounce of sleep having let him win on their first night together. With a frustrated huff, she kicked off her shoes and followed him. 

He was situated beneath the blankets and surprisingly relaxed when he heard her come into the room. She wasn't quiet and he could hear clothing being shifted before she extinguished the lights, leaving the soft ambience of nighttime to filter through the single window. He had his back to her as she sat on the other side of the bed, sighing softly in the darkness. Well then, apparently she was rising to his challenge. Color him surprised. 

Rey had only stripped down to her underclothes, still hoping to call his bluff but unsure just how far she was willing to go with such a charade. A simple tank top and a pair of fitted shorts were apparently where she drew the line. She reminded herself that her plan was to behave normally with him, give him a taste of a normal life where he didn't have to worry about being the Supreme Leader or being Kylo Ren, for that matter. She wanted him to just be Ben Solo for a bit. That plan had not included sharing a bed with him on their first night, however. Before she could talk herself out of it, she gingerly slipped beneath the covers as well. 

For all her planning and preparing, it was suddenly obvious just what Rey had not fully accounted for. As tall and broad as he was, the bed was only _just_ large enough for the two of them. It would have been a decent size for him alone, but with the two of them, it was cramped if they intended to keep any space between them which she was diligently trying to do. She had even tried to carefully adjust her position and ended up nearly flush with his back which was hot against her own skin. She could just imagine the smug look on his face and it irritated her to no end as she scooted back to her edge. 

"Problem?" His voice filled the darkened room, startling her. 

"No, just fine, thanks." She bit back. She swore his voice sounded rougher, somehow, like he might have actually been half-asleep. The bastard. 

"If you say so." He said, turning onto his back and taking up that much more of the bed. 

"Honestly, can't you be even a little less selfish for one second?" She huffed, finally sitting up and turning to address him directly. In hindsight, possibly not the best decision for someone who was avoiding looking at him in any state of undress. 

Even in the dimly lit bedroom, she could make out Ben’s form where he was stretched out with the blankets covering him from the waist down, one arm over his head, the other resting on his abdomen. His fingers were splayed against his pale stomach, a couple of them dipping just below the covers, threatening to draw her gaze even lower. His own eyes were closed and she could tell his breathing was even. If he’d not spoken to her moments before, she might have believed he was truly asleep. 

“You think of me as selfish, but I’ve just learned how to watch out for myself and the things that I want.” He didn’t even look at her as he spoke, only turning his head slightly. 

“You can look out for yourself and not be a prick to everyone else in the world.” 

“Can you?” He cracked his eyes open now to see her. “Were you always so chivalrous when you lived on Jakku? Did you share your meals and your bed with anyone who needed it?” 

“That was different!” 

“Was it? You learned to survive and you did it by taking _whatever_ you could _when_ you could. Simple as that.” 

"You don't _have_ to survive. You have food and a bed to go to every night. You don't have to wear the same clothes for days on end until it's safe enough for you to wash them. Do you know how much I would give for just that much? No having to run or wonder when I will eat an actual meal again?" She could feel her anger rising at his nonchalance. "You have never once known what it was like to have to fight for your life-" Her words were choked off as he surged up towards her, snarling as he wrapped a large hand around her throat. 

"For someone who talks so much, you know nothing, and you don't know me half as well as you'd like to think." He hissed. After a moment, he harshly released his hold and she collapsed back onto the bed, coughing and drawing in precious air once more. He flipped the blankets back and left the bed without another word. 

Rey watched him walk out, cringing at the furious tossing about of items and the sound of the front door slamming closed a short time later. She rubbed at her neck, wondering if it might bruise and thinking on where he might be going on an island he was entirely unfamiliar with in the middle of the night. Slipping out of bed as well, she checked the front room to find his helmet, lightsaber, and jacket still where he had left them. Only his shirt and boots were gone. It was a good sign that he was coming back, but Rey couldn't shake the guilt that crept over her as she returned to bed. 

-~- 

The morning light slanted in through the bedroom window, gently rousing Rey from a fitful sleep. She wasn't sure when she had dozed off, but she could remember tossing and turning, listening for Ben to return which it didn't seem had ever happened. She couldn't hear him or sense him in the hut and she found herself getting out of bed a bit too quickly. 

Fighting the sudden wave of vertigo, she once more checked the front room. His belongings remained untouched where he'd left them the night before and she sighed. As she walked further into the room, she allowed herself to really look at each item without him in attendance, first running her hand over the soft leather and black material of his jacket. She lifted it for a moment, wondering what it might be like to wear it. She laughed to herself at the thought of him finding out. He'd likely be furious. Perhaps another time, she decided. 

Next, she picked up the helmet from the table, turning it this way and that. It was worn from constant use, but still mostly well-kept despite the fractures of red running through it now. It was heavier than she'd imagined, both literally and figuratively. For a moment, she fiddled with the mechanism that caused the mouthpiece to open, watching it move back and forth and remembering the day she’d first seen the face beneath the infamous mask. She finally placed it back down as it brought back nightmarish images of battles and death. 

Rey hesitated at the lightsaber innocently resting nearby. She had wielded it briefly during their battle with the Praetorian Guards and now as her hand hovered over it, there was an odd familiarity. With a short exhale, Rey summoned the saber to her hand and spun it in her grasp, the metal of the hilt cool to the touch. She moved through some maneuvers with it, thinking on the design. Kylo used it so fluidly in battle that she suspected he must have spent a great deal of time training with it in order to not accidentally injure himself. Although, the thought of his slipping up for a change brought the smallest smile to her lips. Surely somewhere along the line, he'd made the same rookie mistakes that she often still made, but it was difficult to picture. 

The sound of the door opening behind her had her spinning about quickly, igniting the saber out of instinct. Kylo paused halfway through the door, giving her a long look. A _very_ long look. She was still in her underclothes, flushed with surprise , and wielding his saber . He never knew he'd wanted to see such a thing, but damn if he didn't like it _a lot_. 

"I, uhm..." Kylo cleared his throat, feeling his face heating. "Hey." 

"Hey." Rey exhaled a breath she hadn't realized she was holding, allowing the saber to retract. "How are you?" 

"Do you honestly care?" He came all the way inside, relieved when she didn’t bother asking him again. He didn’t feel like having another argument. As he drew closer to Rey, she offered his saber for him to take, but he raised a hand in refusal. "You're welcome to use it. Believe me, it suits you." 

Surprised, she looked down at it, turning it in her hands once more. "How long did it take you to learn?" 

"Longer than it probably should have. I've got the scars to prove it." He shook his head at the memories. A silence fell between them and Kylo found himself watching her more closely as she examined the weapon. "You have good form with it. Better than when I was first learning." 

"I feel clumsy half the time with my own blade, let alone yours" She gave him an easy half-smile. 

"I can teach you, if you like." 

Her eyes widened, snapping up to meet his. She was shocked by the intensity she found there and suddenly became very aware of how close he was. "Won't that go against your notions of killing me?" 

"Probably." 

She took a moment to let herself really look at him. He looked tired, obviously having been up the whole night, but as she moved downward she noticed that his shirt was stained dark with sweat, clinging to him in places. His pants were dusty and boots dull with dirt. What had he been doing out there? 

"I would love for you to show me." Rey said, finally looking back to his face. 

He nodded, reaching out to take the lightsaber finally, his fingers ghosting over hers before it dropped into his hand. "Good. We'll start after we eat." 

-~- 

Much to Kylo’s unvoiced dismay, Rey had dressed shortly thereafter. They’d shared a breakfast which he found only marginally more palatable than the previous night’s dinner and while they were not on friendly terms, both had found some sort of middle ground for the time being. If it was in the form of a somewhat educational lesson or two, so be it. It was a start. 

Back outside, Rey took him to a nearby beach, not all that far from his ship which she could now see looming in the distance. It was a sharp reminder of the precarious truce they were in. Putting it from her mind, she gestured to the open, sandy area around them. 

“This should be enough room-“ The next thing she knew, his saber was ignited and he was running at her. It wasn’t a particularly fancy move, but it had her falling back on her rear in the sand with his blade at her throat. With him towering above her, she could see his smirk and felt embarrassment running hot through her veins. 

“What the hell was that?!” 

“Never let your guard down. I feel like that should have been lesson number one. Didn’t my uncle teach you anything?” 

“We didn’t exactly get much time for combat training.” She grumbled, looking from his blade back to his face. 

“Well then, this will be a more interesting day than I thought.” Lowering the lightsaber, he extended a hand to her and helped her to her feet before walking a short distance away. 

“Catch.” He tossed the now retracted weapon to her which she caught easily, now far more focused than before. “Try to take me to the ground.” 

“Gladly.” She raised the saber and rushed him. 

She used a bit more finesse than he had opted for, but it was quickly apparent that his familiarity with a blade went beyond arm strength and simple maneuvers. More than once, Rey found herself being swung about or sent tumbling to the ground, his saber knocked from her grasp or somehow snatched away. 

“You’ve used better technique on me in actual battle.” Ben called to her, hands on his hips. He was more and more unsure how she had kept herself alive for so long by fighting with such sloppy technique. “You can’t just rely on brute strength to get you by!” 

“I’m trying!” She answered in frustration. 

“Try harder.” 

“It’s not that simple!” 

With a sigh, Ben pushed some hair away from his face and approached her. “Let’s try something. I want you to attack me however you like and strike to kill. Don’t hold anything back. Do you understand?” 

Rey regarded him with a touch of suspicion before nodding. “Okay, easy enough.” 

“Good, whenever you’re ready.” He gave her one last look before he turned his back to her completely, his eyes slipping closed. 

“Are you insane? I’ll kill you!” 

“In that case, congratulations in advance.” One corner of his lips twitched up into a smile before he grew serious once more. “Just do it, Rey.” 

She shook her head, stepping back before raising the lightsaber. Taking a deep breath, she suddenly thrust the blade towards him. It stopped inches away, her hand shaking. He never flinched, only waiting patiently. 

Centering herself once more, she brought the saber around as if to catch his side, this time following through with fear settled like a rock in the pit of her stomach. In an instant, he spun, grabbing her wrist and forcing the blade from her hand while pulling her against him. She was rendered completely useless in a matter of seconds, her arms pinned to her sides. 

“You could hear me.” She reasoned, fighting against the hold he had on her. 

“I could hear my saber, but I could sense what you were going to do years before you ever moved.” He finally released her, letting her stumble back. “You’re predictable and you hesitate. Hesitation gives an enemy time to plan.” 

“Let me try again.” She summoned the saber back to her hand. With a nod, he turned his back to her once more. 

He could hear the blade ignite and heard her feet shifting in the sand. She was pacing, sizing him up. He could still sense her fear, but now he also sensed resolve. Now it would start to be _fun_.   
  
When he heard her coming towards him, felt the heat of his blade sweeping close to his shoulder, Ben easily ducked away. The saber narrowly missed him, but he barely had time to right himself as a well-timed kick forced his legs to collapse beneath him and he dropped roughly to his knees with a grunt. Hurriedly looking up to get his bearings, his line of sight met with red and he froze. Apparently, she was a quick study. 

“You know, I think I like you on your knees for a change.” She goaded him with a grin. 

“Don’t get used to it.” He said, standing. Perhaps it was the glow of his saber, but Rey thought his face looked a bit pinker than it had before. “Now, let’s really get started.” 

Rey found that his training was unlike any she had done before. Whereas much of her previous technique had been focused on defensive maneuvers and dodging until an opening was presented, Ben showed her ways to counteract such things. In a way, she found his techniques to be the perfect complement to her own. 

“The side vents are just as useful as they are deadly. They give you an advantage if you’re hoping to throw someone to the ground but it’s just as easy to catch yourself.” In a respite between sparring, Ben held the blade and slowly moved through a series of motions with his arm. “Too far inward and you slice yourself open. I know from experience.” 

Rey mimicked his movements once she had the weapon in hand, though she did so without the danger of the blade being on. Drawing in a breath, she finally brought the blade to life and took it through the same path, feeling the heat passing close with each rotation. “Where did you come up with this design?” 

He shrugged. “Old weapon plans and pictures. The Order has a surprisingly complete library.” _Well, that and necessity,_ he thought. A cracked crystal gave off too much power for a standard design which meant finding a way to divert some of that from the main blade. Luckily, he felt this new version was far more fitting than his old blue Jedi saber anyhow. 

Rey continued to spin it behind her and around her sides, growing more confident by the second. He watched her carefully with the excuse of learning her style to better train himself against her, yet he found himself taking note of more. He took in the subtle draw of her brows as she tried to decipher each element and the shift of her footing as she rooted herself in her stance. He couldn’t remember the last time he was able to really watch another gifted Jedi in such a way and Rey was a sight like this, powerful and obviously in her element. She struck a chord within him the same way she had the day they first met, stirring a dormant desire that made him feel much more like a teenager than the hardened, war-forged leader he thought himself to be. His skin tingled pleasantly with it. 

It was only a matter of minutes before the tingle became a sort of thrumming in his ears and the next thing he knew, their bond flared to life and Ben was sinking into it, her essence crashing into his. It was almost overwhelming, his breath catching as he picked up on her excitement and adrenaline. In the past, they had never had time to figure out the true nature of their connection and mostly just found each other by accident, but now he felt like he could tap into her directly with a thought. He wondered if it was their proximity. Could she feel the change in the air between them, charged with the energy they shared? 

Swallowing, Ben tried to refocus his thoughts on the current place and time, seeing Rey now moving through another routine with the blade. He hoped she hadn’t taken notice of his distraction as he tried to will away his body’s reaction to it all. The less she knew about her effect on him, the better, and he wouldn’t allow himself to be swayed by his baser instincts. Every moment brought him closer to his goals and he refused be stopped now. 

Nearing the late afternoon, both of them sticky with sweat, Ben finally called for a stop. He could tell she was growing tired and he was aching for some sort of shower. Plus they had eaten nothing since breakfast much earlier. It wouldn’t do to have them starving themselves to exhaustion, even if they were training in the meantime. 

As they headed back, Rey walked a few steps behind, taking her own chance to watch him. Despite his larger form, she was noticing that he was unexpectedly careful with many of his movements. Where she might expect him to stomp about or use his strength to get his way, he constantly surprised her with his capacity for gentleness. Even in their training, she had anticipated his anger or annoyance with how little practice she truly had, but he carefully explained everything to her. He was thorough and understanding of her frustrations, even if they nearly got him hurt a few times. She felt like she had learned ten times as much as she had with Luke, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that he was deceiving her somehow. 

Even with the steps they had taken forward, Rey still felt herself constantly on edge, waiting for the next outburst or the final straw that snapped his already thin patience. Living each day as Kylo Ren, she had no doubts that he needed to constantly appear strong and unaffected emotionally. The Order wanted someone cold and calculating at their helm, and he had obviously proven himself at least marginally successful in leading them. Now that they were together on somewhat friendly terms, she was seeing another side to him so tightly wound that it made her head spin. She could say or do one little thing and set him off. Granted, she did sort of stand for everything that he opposed… Regardless, the previous night had only further confirmed their differences in her mind. Perhaps she hadn’t said or done exactly what she should have to keep the peace, but he didn’t have to make it so damn difficult all the time. 

“You’ll burn a hole in me if you stare any harder.” 

Rey quickly snapped out of her thoughts. “What makes you think I was staring?” 

“I could sense it.” He paused, looking back at her. The corners of his mouth twitched up in a smile at her startled expression. “You make it too easy, you know that? I’m _kidding_. I glanced back and saw you.” 

Shaking his head, he continued on towards the hut. With an exasperated sigh, Rey hurried to catch up again. 

“You make it seem like you can sense so much. You even said it when we were training.” He gave her a look and she rolled her eyes. “I know _that_ one was a joke, but I meant the other times.” 

“What did you expect? Just someone who had some luck with a weapon? Knew all the right people to get to the top?” Kylo shook his head again and looked away from her. “I had done quite a bit of early training with Luke before... well, before, and Snoke had been training me for a long time, even before I knew it. You know about that much, at least.” 

Rey did know. She thought back to Snoke’s words that day. He claimed he had brought them together via the Force, claimed he had been manipulating them right into his hands. She found it difficult to reconcile the dark figure that Snoke had shaped Kylo into with the warmth she felt when they touched. Hearing him speak so plainly of it felt wrong. 

“When you learn to let go of what’s holding you back, the things that used to be important, you grow. You could do it too.” He continued. 

“How can you be okay with all of it? The death and the killing, the pain.” She said softly, not even really speaking to him as much as to herself. 

“I’m not.” 

She looked at him, shock evident on her face. “What?” 

“I hate it. Every second.” 

“Then why-“ 

“Because it’s the only way to make people listen. It’s the only way to get ahead in this stupid war.” He spat the words out like they had burned him. 

“Ben, that’s not true!” 

“I’ve told you Ben Solo is _dead!_ When will you understand that?” He rounded on her, stopping her dead in her tracks. “Ben Solo was nothing but a scared boy who was too weak to do what was necessary to survive! I killed him the day I killed Han.” 

“He’s still you. He will always be you, Ben. You don’t have to be like this.” Rey tried, holding her ground. 

“You don’t get it. Wars aren’t won with kindness, Rey. You have to make examples and follow through with promises, even the painful ones. Even the ones where people die.” 

“I can’t believe that. I won’t.” Rey felt herself tearing up, trying to fight down her rising emotions. She could practically feel him reinforcing his walls to keep her out of his life and it was the exact opposite of what she was fighting so hard to do. 

“That’s the way it is, Rey. War is death and profit. What did you think would happen? I would come out here and see the error of my ways?” 

“I had hoped-“ 

“You had _hoped_ to sway me to your side? You had _hoped_ to make me turn? Your hope is your biggest weakness. It will kill you in the end. The sooner you learn to trust only yourself, the better off you’ll be.” 

“Maybe I don’t have the training or the experience that you have, but even _I_ can feel your hesitation. Why take the time to train me? Why even stay? You’re conflicted with every decision you make! Doesn’t it weigh on you, constantly being something you’re not?” 

With a flick of his wrist, Kylo sent her flying across the path, pinning her to the trunk of a nearby tree. The breath was knocked from her lungs with the impact and Rey gasped as pain radiated from her back. Using the Force to keep her there, he advanced on her. 

“You are sorely mistaken if you take me for anything but a monster. You called me that once. Do you remember it?” He was right in front of her now, hand raised as he pressed her that much harder. “You took one look at the darkness in me and knew everything you needed to judge me. You and everyone else in the fucking world!” 

Rey’s gaze was sparking with anger as she looked at him but she didn’t bother answering. He wasn’t going to get the satisfaction of seeing her lose control. Instead, she found that the longer they looked at one another, the more she saw the fight slowly begin to go out of him. Even as he continued to berate her, the fury behind his eyes seemed to fade away to something more vulnerable and she could feel the pressure on her slowly ebbing. 

In the face of her unwavering courage, Kylo found himself struggling for the first time. He had always held fast to his convictions, the moments in his life that had forged this hatred within him, but time and again she defied everything he thought possible. For every ounce of vitriol he spewed at her, she remained resilient, unbroken, _stronger than him_. He wanted to crush her, to make her see how wrong she was in all of this, but the longer he was close to her, the more terrified he felt. Something felt as if it was shaking loose in him and he couldn’t regain his footing. With a trembling hand, he released his hold on her and took a step back. 

Rey slid to the forest floor with a huff, her body still aching. Now a few feet from her, Ben was wide-eyed. He felt himself spiraling and fought to ground himself in the knowledge of who and what he was. Calling his saber to his hand, the blade flared to life with the familiar crackle of unstable power. It was just like him- unstable and broken and terrible in every way, stained with the blood of thousands across the galaxy. A symbol of unyielding hatred and horrific violence, everything he stood for as Kylo Ren. 

Despite his efforts, he began to recognize an awakening within himself of things he had long since buried now returning in flashes of moments he wished desperately to forget. He once more felt the fear of seeing Luke standing over him that night, saber raised. The anguish in his heart when the temple burned. The taste of sickness as he realized he had _murdered_ his young Jedi companions. The moments seemed to claw their way out from behind the barricade the dark side had created within him, seeping through small fissures in his defenses until they widened into large cracks and threatened to shatter his barriers all together. 

The waves of existential crisis were practically rolling off Ben. Even if they were not connected by some invisible cord that neither of them truly understood, Rey would have felt it. Not only did she feel it, _everything_ felt it. The entire forest was quaking softly as his panic rose. Getting to her feet with a slight grimace, she met his gaze. 

_Run._

The thought was clear in her mind and she couldn’t be sure if it was hers or his. Glancing around, there wasn’t much here she could use to defend herself if he chose to attack. Running could be a viable option, perhaps the only sane one, but her heart held her rooted to the spot. He could have already killed her ten times over if he’d really wanted her dead. He didn’t look threatening, he looked like an animal trapped and ready to risk killing itself for the smallest chance of escape. He looked _terrified._

_“_ Ren.” Rey approached slowly, cautiously. “Kylo.” 

“Get away from me.” His response was quiet, almost a whisper. 

“Tell me what’s wrong.” 

“Get back!” He swung the saber, nearly catching her outstretched arms. 

Flinching away, she paused. “Just take a breath. You’re okay.” 

His head was aching, caught somewhere between emotions. Thoughts and memories flickered in and out, first elated then furious followed by a wave of nausea. Kylo brought a hand to his head, breathing deeply and trying desperately to still his mind. 

Rey had walked fully up to him now and hesitantly placed a hand on his arm. “ _Ben._ ” 

“Don’t touch me!” His words were followed by a pained cry that Kylo instantly knew had not come from himself and his mind seemed to latch onto it like an anchor, allowing him to come back to sanity at last. His vision swam for a moment, clearing just in time for him to see Rey clutching her side. 

Rey pulled her hands away from her body, looking down at the gash his blade had left behind. It wasn’t necessarily life threatening but that certainly didn’t make it hurt any less. She covered it once more, looking up at him. 

“What the _hell_ was that?” 

“I- I don’t know.” He answered honestly, still shaken even if he was now thinking clearly again. “How bad-“ 

“I’ll live, if that’s what you’re asking.” 

“What did you do to me?” 

“What did _I_ do to _you?_ How could I have done anything? You had me pinned to a tree!” 

He held his head, the dull ache still lingering and getting worse the more they argued. Ben didn’t even know how to describe what he’d just been through and truth be told, he didn’t want to. He was deeply unsettled by the knowledge that he had been rendered completely useless somehow and he had no idea why. If the scavenger was to be believed, she had no more clues than he did and he expected she would be far less forthcoming with any information now that he’d injured her. 

“Look, I don’t know what just happened but when you figure out what you want to do about this,” Rey gestured between the two of them, “you know where I’ll be.” 

Rey shook her head as she walked past him towards the hut. At least she had the supplies to patch herself up, but she had to admit that things had taken a worrisome turn. It wasn’t exactly surprising that she’d been injured given that she had half expected him to kill her on arrival, but she had honestly thought things were going well between them. Now the pain in her side reminded her that they were still walking a fine line between enemies and acquaintances. 

As she left him standing there, Rey could still feel the cacophony of emotions passing between them and she tried her hardest to push their bond to the back of her mind. She needed some time to get herself sorted before she could attempt to unravel the current mess that was Ben Solo. 

Ben watched her go, guilt and shame washing over him. He could feel their connection dim to barely a flicker before disappearing entirely and he recognized the same emptiness he felt most days. It was a stark contrast to the warmth he’d felt since arriving on the tiny planet and he realized just how much her proximity had been affecting him. Knowing she had shut him out stung more than he had expected it to and he finally sank to his knees, letting his saber roll out of his grip. 

In the absence of her comforting essence, his anger rose back to the surface. He wanted to chase her down, demand some sort of answer for it all. He thought back over the day, looking for any signs that she had poisoned him or used the Force to manipulate him without his knowledge. None of it seemed to add up. With growing frustration, he had the itch to just kill her and be done with it, however the thought had barely formed when it turned his stomach. He cursed aloud, holding his head in his hands.

Several minutes passed before he made up his mind. The last thing he wanted was to confront his memories head on, but he couldn’t think of any way around it. Each path he started down seemed to turn him around until he was either left with killing Rey or dealing with his past and given that his body seemed to now rebel violently at the former, he was stuck with the latter. It both irritated and terrified him. 

With a heavy sigh, Ben repositioned himself to sit more comfortably and tried to relax. It had been quite a long time since he had last meditated. It wasn’t the most ideal setting but he could remember Luke once teaching him that the place sometimes chose the person. _Luke._ The memories of that night came rushing to the forefront of his mind once more and he grimaced at the pain they brought with them. No time like the present, then. 

Centering himself, Ben focused on the feel of the ground beneath him, firm and cool. He noted the pebbles and twigs that lay uneven beneath his legs. A flock of birds called from the trees above and he slowed his breathing to the rhythm of the slight breeze until... _There._ The smell of fresh, mossy rocks and soil ignited his senses, pulling his thoughts further inward until the outside world blurred into a gentle din around him. He could see the familiar, small room from his days as a padawan and his body felt heavy with sleep, oddly peaceful considering he knew what was to come. The urge to flee made him shiver slightly, but instead he waited. He had run far enough. As he heard the unmistakable sound of Luke’s saber igniting, the scene began to unfold around him and he prepared himself to relive it once more. He just hoped that he would come out the other side in one piece. 

**Author's Note:**

> And that's chapter one! This has been so fun to write and I have a lot of ideas for the upcoming parts, which will likely include making things even more difficult for these two before we reach even ground. Thank you so much for reading and let me know what ideas you have!
> 
> Also if you like my writing and feel so inclined, I now have a Kofi page where you can donate, see previews of chapters, and commission me to write a story for you! https://ko-fi.com/thebelovedpariah


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